One of Alex's hands pressed against Guerin's chest as if he could - or would - push him away if he chose. Conversely, his other hand slid through Guerin's hair as if to keep him there. That was the way it always seemed to be with them. One of them was pushing the other away and the other was pulling to try to stay close. And then they switched. He wasn't even sure whose turn it was at this point, but it didn't matter. Guerin was here and Alex didn't want to push him away. Not this time. At least not yet.
"We couldn't do this if you were playing," he pointed out in a quiet voice as he settled even closer. Not that he couldn't find pleasure in hearing Guerin play and he was glad that he'd move close enough that their cheeks were brushing because Guerin didn't need to see the guilt that flashed across his face at the thought of everything he'd cost Guerin. He could forget it most days with the only reminder being the cloth that Guerin always had tied over it, but it was hard to forget the other things that he'd lost along with the use of his hand. Like music.
He had to change the subject and fast before he got drawn into the emotions that would end up with him at home, alone, and with a bottle.
"Not that I'm complaining, but I thought I was promised a glass of something cold and alcoholic before the dance," he teased.
Sometimes, being around Alex is the hardest thing in the world. He's full of want for him, coupled with the weight of all the history between them. All the times they'd pushed each other away, all the times they'd disappointed each other. There are times when that negativity is so overwhelming that it takes over everything else.
And then there are times like this, when the rest of it just doesn't seem to matter so much. When it's just the two of them, and they put away their defences, and they're themselves again like they were in high school. At times like that, like this, it's easy to be with him. It's easy to feel his warmth under his hands, to feel his breath on his ear, to feel his own heart skipping over itself because Alex is close.
They're moving together, and he can close his eyes and pretend the rest of the room just doesn't exist. Because what else really matters when the two of them have this?
He smiles, and turns his head so that his lips brush over Alex's ear. It makes them tingle, though it probably also smudges that lipstick. Nothing stays perfect forever.
"You saying you want me to stop?" He doesn't. His hands move around Alex instead, pressing into his back. "Cause I like you right here, Private. I like you like this."
"'m not a Private," Alex murmured against Guerin's ear, trying not to suck in a breath when he felt Michael's lips. He didn't bother to answer the question of whether he wanted Michael to stop. The answer should have been obvious: Of course not. Of course he didn't to stop whatever this was, however long this was going to last. The very nature of their relationship was impermanence.
"I'm a Captain," he said with a faint grin. "Or you can call me 'sir'."
Not that he thought that Guerin would call him anything like that. At least not seriously. Maybe in play, but he couldn't remember the last time they'd actually played. If they ever had.
He closed his eyes, maybe because it was easier to say the next part. "Admit it. You just like me."
Michael smiles, from the safety behind Alex's shoulder. He tilts his head just a little, letting their cheeks touch. It's light, but it's enough that he can feel the brush of Alex's stubble against his jaw.
"Is that what you'd like? If I call you sir?"
He just might, in the right context. If it made Alex touch him like this, lean into him like this. Move against him like this.
Michael's hands move down his back, sliding over it, as if that kind of move is allowed. Especially in public. This feels like a moment snatched out of time. He'll never get it back. He'll keep replaying it in his head, though, because it's perfect. So he has to get it right, keep it perfect, so that he can enjoy the playback.
"You know I like you."
He says that softer than before. Whispered, right into Alex's ear, close and personal. It's so much more than like. It always will be.
"You're a good dancer."
They're barely moving. That's the best part of this. All he can feel is Alex himself.
The comment surprised him into shaking his head with a low laugh. "No thanks. I know how you treat authority." He was grateful for that brief respite into forgetting the circumstances because it let him catch his breath for a minute. It let him build a barrier from all the voices that were telling him that he shouldn't be doing this. Not here where his father could see them. Which was ridiculous, because he doubted that anyone here would go talking to his father or that his father would come here to look for him.
The fear was there. Dulled because of the fun and drinking with Isobel and Kyle and now just the presence of Michael, but still there and it was taking every ounce of willpower to avoid giving in to his instincts. Either the one to run away or the one to curl his fingers in Guerin's hair and kiss him.
And then Guerin all but breathed into his ear and he lost his hard-won composure.
"Do you? Still?" His heart felt like it was in his throat. He wanted desperately to get out of here, but he wanted to drag Michael out by the hand with him.
Michael's lips are against his ear. Their bodies are moving together, no space left between them, Michael's hands on the small of his back at their possessive best.
He knows this won't last. Deep down, he knows it won't, because it never does. But for a moment, he can pretend that it will. He can pretend that he's a better man, someone worth staying for. He can pretend like Alex is already his, and all the problems they've always had together just aren't factors anymore.
"I always will," he murmurs, and he turns his head enough to meet Alex's eyes. "I can't stop."
Even if he'd like to, sometimes. Even if it would make his life a hell of a lot easier, he still can't stop. He's loved Alex since high school. It's not going to stop no matter how many years, and how many countries they put between each other. He'll love him all the same.
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momijizukamori
@angrycowboy
Date: 2020-07-15 09:20 pm (UTC)One of Alex's hands pressed against Guerin's chest as if he could - or would - push him away if he chose. Conversely, his other hand slid through Guerin's hair as if to keep him there. That was the way it always seemed to be with them. One of them was pushing the other away and the other was pulling to try to stay close. And then they switched. He wasn't even sure whose turn it was at this point, but it didn't matter. Guerin was here and Alex didn't want to push him away. Not this time. At least not yet.
"We couldn't do this if you were playing," he pointed out in a quiet voice as he settled even closer. Not that he couldn't find pleasure in hearing Guerin play and he was glad that he'd move close enough that their cheeks were brushing because Guerin didn't need to see the guilt that flashed across his face at the thought of everything he'd cost Guerin. He could forget it most days with the only reminder being the cloth that Guerin always had tied over it, but it was hard to forget the other things that he'd lost along with the use of his hand. Like music.
He had to change the subject and fast before he got drawn into the emotions that would end up with him at home, alone, and with a bottle.
"Not that I'm complaining, but I thought I was promised a glass of something cold and alcoholic before the dance," he teased.
no subject
Date: 2020-07-19 01:05 pm (UTC)And then there are times like this, when the rest of it just doesn't seem to matter so much. When it's just the two of them, and they put away their defences, and they're themselves again like they were in high school. At times like that, like this, it's easy to be with him. It's easy to feel his warmth under his hands, to feel his breath on his ear, to feel his own heart skipping over itself because Alex is close.
They're moving together, and he can close his eyes and pretend the rest of the room just doesn't exist. Because what else really matters when the two of them have this?
He smiles, and turns his head so that his lips brush over Alex's ear. It makes them tingle, though it probably also smudges that lipstick. Nothing stays perfect forever.
"You saying you want me to stop?" He doesn't. His hands move around Alex instead, pressing into his back. "Cause I like you right here, Private. I like you like this."
no subject
Date: 2020-07-20 01:23 am (UTC)"I'm a Captain," he said with a faint grin. "Or you can call me 'sir'."
Not that he thought that Guerin would call him anything like that. At least not seriously. Maybe in play, but he couldn't remember the last time they'd actually played. If they ever had.
He closed his eyes, maybe because it was easier to say the next part. "Admit it. You just like me."
no subject
Date: 2020-07-21 09:34 pm (UTC)"Is that what you'd like? If I call you sir?"
He just might, in the right context. If it made Alex touch him like this, lean into him like this. Move against him like this.
Michael's hands move down his back, sliding over it, as if that kind of move is allowed. Especially in public. This feels like a moment snatched out of time. He'll never get it back. He'll keep replaying it in his head, though, because it's perfect. So he has to get it right, keep it perfect, so that he can enjoy the playback.
"You know I like you."
He says that softer than before. Whispered, right into Alex's ear, close and personal. It's so much more than like. It always will be.
"You're a good dancer."
They're barely moving. That's the best part of this. All he can feel is Alex himself.
no subject
Date: 2020-09-22 08:30 pm (UTC)The fear was there. Dulled because of the fun and drinking with Isobel and Kyle and now just the presence of Michael, but still there and it was taking every ounce of willpower to avoid giving in to his instincts. Either the one to run away or the one to curl his fingers in Guerin's hair and kiss him.
And then Guerin all but breathed into his ear and he lost his hard-won composure.
"Do you? Still?" His heart felt like it was in his throat. He wanted desperately to get out of here, but he wanted to drag Michael out by the hand with him.
no subject
Date: 2020-10-01 01:32 am (UTC)He knows this won't last. Deep down, he knows it won't, because it never does. But for a moment, he can pretend that it will. He can pretend that he's a better man, someone worth staying for. He can pretend like Alex is already his, and all the problems they've always had together just aren't factors anymore.
"I always will," he murmurs, and he turns his head enough to meet Alex's eyes. "I can't stop."
Even if he'd like to, sometimes. Even if it would make his life a hell of a lot easier, he still can't stop. He's loved Alex since high school. It's not going to stop no matter how many years, and how many countries they put between each other. He'll love him all the same.