"Well, I'm not going to run and tell my father." Because even the idea of that was absurd. "If that's what you think. I don't know, Guerin. What else do I need to know?" Because he'd much rather here it from Michael himself than to try to figure out what was true and what wasn't from the reports his father had been compiling. Because he was willing to bet that more than half of it was just racist, sexist, homophobic bullshit and it wasn't something he wanted to weed through when he had a better source.
"I'd rather not play Where's the Alien Waldo with all the data my dad's been collecting. Everything he ends up having something to do with becomes toxic and I don't want anything to do with it."
Michael had known he wouldn't, but hearing it out loud was still a relief. He breathed out slowly and tried to figure out where to start. Sinking against the table, he gestured weakly out to the whole area. "You've seen what I can do. You've seen the ship. There's things that aren't just my secret, but that I was a part of," he admitted.
He can't look at Alex while he talked about this, but he had to get it out. "When we were thirteen, there was a drifter that attacked Iz. Max pushed him away and..." And he died. "Then, there was the girls and Rosa," he hated saying all of this, but he had to. He'd never have the courage again.
Besides, it was better to give Alex a reason to run, wasn't it? "Isobel, she didn't know what she was doing, she wasn't even herself. I took the blame, I let her think everything was fine." Sagging down into a chair and rubbing his good hand over his face, he shook his head. "Drowned it out in acetone, thinking that was the worst my life could get, then you left for the air force weeks after that and I figured out it could be worse."
So he'd ignored UNM. He'd ignored everything. He got drunk and he tried to get off the planet, because what was the point of staying and doing anything for the world when it had only fucked him over.
The words hit him like a blow to the stomach. The file he'd seen had said there'd been dead bodies attached to Michael and the others, but he hadn't gone looking for specifics. He'd figured it had to be impossible. And maybe, maybe he could excuse a kid trying to protect his sister with powers he may or may not have known he had.
But then Michael brought up Rosa and the other two girls and he breezed through it almost as if it didn't mean anything. Or more like he wanted to avoid Alex's reaction.
"What do you mean, she didn't know what she was doing? What did she do, Michael?" Another horrifying thought hit him. "And does Liz know?"
And this was what you got with secrets, even though he had more than a few of his own. If Liz knew, it meant that she had to deal with this alone because neither he nor Maria had known anything about what was going on. Maria still didn't know.
He was slumped in the chair, like he had no energy left, but honestly, he kind of felt like he didn't. This wasn't exactly the kind of thing he was used to dealing with, baring your soul out to the man you loved. "I was too late. After what happened between us, I was in my car, just trying to stop the pain," he said, his voice shaky and unnerved. "I got this vision of Isobel in trouble."
"When I got there, Rosa was dead. Isobel, she had her hand on her, but there was this look on her face. She didn't recognize me." He rubbed a hand over his face. "Yeah, Liz knows," he said roughly. "Isobel and I, we decided it would be better if Liz left before Max could tell her about us, but when she came back, Max healed her. She knows everything."
Alex was going to know everything too.
He shrugged, gesturing to himself. "What else do you want to know? Might as well get to the end of the book."
"Hold on. I'm still trying to wrap my head around this. So you're saying that Isobel killed Rosa. That you saw it. But that she didn't recognize you?" It seemed like there was something missing there. Why wouldn't she recognize Michael? They'd been friends for years. Ever since Michael first moved to town. "And what does Isobel have with Liz leaving after high school?"
He couldn't help but think of Project Shepherd and how Michael, Isobel, and Max were associated with deaths. Plural.
Michael inhaled deeply and tried to figure out what awful part of this story they were going to hash out until it made him feel like he was rubbed so raw that he was bleeding. He didn't have his hopes up. "Yeah, I got to the cave just in time to watch Rosa go down," he admitted. "That's when Isobel looked at me like I was a stranger that she'd never seen before."
He shook his head, still so confused about how that could have happened. "Isobel, she can influence you. She got in Liz's mind, focused in on her desire to leave town, and she ..." He made a gesture, because 'we made her leave' was too hard to say.
"You wanted to know," he insisted. "It barely makes sense to me and I've been living it all my life."
He opened his mouth to say that Isobel should be arrested and promptly shut it, thinking of the pictures he's seen on his father's computer. If the government found out about Isobel, they'd find out about Max and if they found out about Max, they'd find out about Michael. And that was just...no.
But he couldn't imagine that Liz would just let it be as it was.
"So what's going on? How's Liz handling it?"
And he knew that he should be getting around to how Michael was handling it with his sister having killed someone, but his head was still spinning.
Michael gestured tiredly, bad hand pressed against his forehead as he tried to figure out a vessel or a place for his frustrations. "Badly, but she should. I know what Isobel did was wrong," he guaranteed. "I know that people should have something to protect themselves against her, but she's my family. I can't turn her in."
Especially because it's not so simple. "They'll cut us open, dissect us, and that's it. We have rules about that," he said darkly.
"I don't think Isobel did it. I think something was inside her, something else, but that doesn't change that Rosa is dead. I hate that. Especially because it was just one more awful thing about the day, after losing you, losing...this." He held up his hand, feeling aching and useless. "Liz and I, we were working together to help Isobel, but I don't know what happens next. I'm engineering," he reminded Alex, gesturing to everything around them.
Alex pressed his lips together. "Did I say that? Did those words leave my lips? I asked what Liz was doing because she couldn't not do something. I didn't suggest trying to perform an alien autopsy. You've got to understand that I know better than anyone what could happen. And if I wanted that, I'd be just like my dad."
And they both knew that Alex was as far from his father as it was possible to be.
He thought about it briefly. "Why do you think something was inside her? And how are you going to prove it? Because if it wasn't Isobel, that means someone else killed Rosa. Someone who's still out there."
They hadn't, but Michael was operating on the autopilot where that was what anyone who found out about aliens would inevitably want to do with them, especially once they figured out there was something worth taking apart in them.
"You are nothing like him," he vowed, even though he knew Alex didn't need to hear him say that. In fact, he knew that they couldn't be farther apart, but that didn't mean Michael's trust issues didn't run deep. "I just, I know. She looked at me like I was a complete stranger, right through me, no recognition in her eyes. I was shouting for her, pleading, and then she just collapsed," he admitted.
"There's no video, there's nothing, so I don't know how to prove it, and yeah. Yeah," he scoffed. "Something could still be out there, not like it's come knocking on my door though, so I haven't exactly noticed anything."
Alex ran his hand through his hair in an effort to stall. He thought he’d been prepared to accept Michael being an alien and everything that entailed, but he hadn’t known about Rosa. And yes, Michael thinking it wasn’t really Isobel made a difference as did the fact that Liz didn’t seem to be going absolutely nuts. But his head was starting to spin with what this might mean.
He honestly didn’t believe Michael was capable of hurting anyone seriously except in defense of someone. Same with Max. But then, he would have said the same thing about Isobel.
“I…I need to think about this,” he said slowly. “I’m not going to run to my dad or anything. I just need to think.”
Michael was tense, because he knew what was going to happen here. It would be like what always happened and the inevitable was coming. When Alex said he needed to think about it, he gave a soft push of air to hide his laugh, because he didn't blame Alex, but he also wasn't surprised.
"Yeah," he agreed, even if there was definitely sadness in his tone, mustering up a smile. "Yeah, it's a lot to take in. I've had ten years and I still have nightmares, so I get it."
He wanted to reach out and touch him, he wanted to tell him to come back, but instead, he sagged as he sat on the workstation. "Call me if you have any other questions. I meant it, when I said I'd be honest and tell you anything." Clearly.
Alex had to resist the urge to scowl in Michael's direction. He only partially managed and instead, his face twitched a little in irritation. Yes, he knew exactly what it sounded like, but there was a big difference between talking about aliens, something that Alex had believed in for weeks at least, and knowing that it was possible that someone you knew had killed someone. Deliberately. Not in the heat of battle.
"It's not like I'm going to the other side of the world, Guerin," Alex pointed out. "Just the old Valenti cabin."
Although, come to think of it, he didn't actually know if Michael knew he lived there. They'd always met at Michael's.
Michael could cut through his own ache to stare at Alex for a long while. "Why are you at the Valenti cabin?" he asked, wondering if this was some new weird revenge scheme for Kyle to take, even after ten years had passed from high school.
He swallowed, though, and shrugged, feeling exhausted. "Doesn't matter if it's the other side of the world or just the cabin across town," he heard himself saying, and hated that he knew this would make him sound weak. "Feels like the same kind of pain, watching you walk away." He didn't say 'the way you always do', because Alex was here so maybe that was going to change.
“Because it’s technically mine, now. He willed it to me after he died.” But it would probably be the old Valenti cabin until he either moved out or other people started calling it Alex’s. And it wasn’t as if he’d told a lot of people where they could find him. Kyle only knew because he’d tried to break in.
He pursed his lips. “Are you going to hold that over my head forever?” he demanded. It wasn’t as if he’d had a lot of options. Going into the Air Force had not been his first idea for a career, but there’d been a reason he’d become so good at blackmailing people. He’d learned it from his father.
Well, that was a lot deeper of a relationship with a Valenti than Michael had ever expected, but maybe the father didn't exactly condone Kyle's torture and torment of Alex during high school, and it gave him a place to live that wasn't his father's.
So, yeah, he could be grateful for that.
"I'm not holding it over your head," Michael said, wearily. "I'm just telling you that I don't like it when you do," he added. "Being honest, because I'm tired of secrets," he admitted, rubbing his face as he gestured and nodded. "I get it," he agreed. "Take the time you need and when you're ready, if you're ever ready, you know where to find me."
If Michael had just left it at 'when you're ready', Alex would have been fine. He could have accepted what Michael was saying and admit that he had a valid point, even if it was a point that hurt Alex, and he would have gone to think it over, maybe talk to Liz and find out her take on this whole situation.
"Don't make this about us," Alex said walking over until he was close enough to touch Michael and then taking a step closer so he was actually in Michael's personal space.
His eyes flicked over Michael's face and all he really wanted to do was lean in and kiss him and forget any of this had ever happened.
Michael inhaled, holding his breath when Alex suddenly was closer. When he looked to his lips, Michael felt his heart pounding in his chest, but he didn't look away. He didn't think he could, even if he tried. "You seriously going to stand there and tell me that it's not, not even a little?"
He shook his head, just the smallest bit, because it would be impossible if it weren't. He held Alex's gaze, eyes half-lidded, staring at Alex's lips.
“Yes, Guerin. Not everything is about you.” And now Michael was returning the favor and staring at his lips. Alex’s eyes kept darting back and forth between Michael’s eyes and his lips. “Okay, maybe it’s about you in that you know Isobel and I have to deal with the fact that I know someone who maybe is but probably isn’t someone who killed one of my best friend’s sister.”
He pressed a hand to Michael’s chest. “But that’s not about us. I need to talk to Liz and, last time I checked, you weren’t her.”
Michael breathed in slowly the second Alex got his hand on him, which locked in place where this was going. He stared at Alex's lips, the way his eyes kept sliding between Michael's and his eyes, and he decided that he didn't want to think about Isobel or murders or anything like that.
"No, I'm definitely not Liz," he agreed, staring at Alex's lips completely now, his mouth half-open, like he's thirsty and the tallest glass of water was right in front of him. "You need to talk to her right away, huh?"
“Yes,” Alex murmured. He hadn’t intended anything with the hand on Michael’s chest and almost put the lie to the thought when he curled his hand in Michael’s shirt. He honestly had been - was - planning on leaving. He needed to think, not get wrapped up in whatever this was. But, as was often the case when he and Michael were in close proximity like this, it was getting hard to think.
“You’re impossible,” he continued as he found himself leaning in and he knew that he wasn’t any better. It was so much easier to do this, be this with Michael than to try to examine his feelings or even the things he should be thinking about.
“It’s not like I’ll find some new parts you’re hiding.” As if this was just Michael’s attempt to show Alex that he was the same person. He knew it wasn’t that, but the words came out anyway.
Michael breathed in deeply, but he didn't take his eyes off Alex, gauging what he could get away with. He still was touching him, he was still so close, and he was even saying things about him being impossible, which was completely the case.
When Alex leaned in, he decided to go for it, wrapping a palm around Alex's neck to bring him in for a slow kiss, enough that Alex will be able to pull away, if he really didn't want this. "I mean," he exhaled, whispering the words, "wouldn't it be safer if you checked?"
"This isn't going to solve anything, Guerin," Alex muttered. It was postponing the inevitable. Because he still needed to talk to Liz, still needed to do some thinking about what it meant that Isobel could be a murderer, still needed to not rush into this head first.
But he found himself tucking his fingers into Michael's belt loops and chasing after his lips for a deeper kiss.
Michael would beg to differ. It was going to solve the aching hole inside of him that felt like it would swallow him whole if he didn't get to kiss Alex. It would solve the voice in his head that said he needed to go find Alex and beg for forgiveness.
So he led with his hips, letting them crash against Alex as he cupped his neck and kissed him deeper, trying to pour every last desperate needy emotion into it, in case this was the last kiss he got from Alex in a while.
Alex felt as if he should have been angry at Michael for forcing this, but he felt more resigned. If Michael had just kissed him out of the blue, then maybe he'd have a leg to stand on, but Alex had met him halfway. And the kiss. Hungry, desperate. Alex wasn't sure if it was coming from himself or Michael or both, but he slipped his fingers from Michael's belt look and instead curled his fists in Michael's shirt.
He took a moment between kisses to take a breath and then made a decision. He could have - should have - pulled away and left before Michael could tempt him a second time.
But then he shook his head, maybe at himself, and kissed Michael again, increasing the intensity of the kiss.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
momijizukamori
no subject
Date: 2019-03-26 10:48 am (UTC)"I'd rather not play Where's the Alien Waldo with all the data my dad's been collecting. Everything he ends up having something to do with becomes toxic and I don't want anything to do with it."
no subject
Date: 2019-03-26 11:00 am (UTC)He can't look at Alex while he talked about this, but he had to get it out. "When we were thirteen, there was a drifter that attacked Iz. Max pushed him away and..." And he died. "Then, there was the girls and Rosa," he hated saying all of this, but he had to. He'd never have the courage again.
Besides, it was better to give Alex a reason to run, wasn't it? "Isobel, she didn't know what she was doing, she wasn't even herself. I took the blame, I let her think everything was fine." Sagging down into a chair and rubbing his good hand over his face, he shook his head. "Drowned it out in acetone, thinking that was the worst my life could get, then you left for the air force weeks after that and I figured out it could be worse."
So he'd ignored UNM. He'd ignored everything. He got drunk and he tried to get off the planet, because what was the point of staying and doing anything for the world when it had only fucked him over.
no subject
Date: 2019-03-29 12:53 pm (UTC)The words hit him like a blow to the stomach. The file he'd seen had said there'd been dead bodies attached to Michael and the others, but he hadn't gone looking for specifics. He'd figured it had to be impossible. And maybe, maybe he could excuse a kid trying to protect his sister with powers he may or may not have known he had.
But then Michael brought up Rosa and the other two girls and he breezed through it almost as if it didn't mean anything. Or more like he wanted to avoid Alex's reaction.
"What do you mean, she didn't know what she was doing? What did she do, Michael?" Another horrifying thought hit him. "And does Liz know?"
And this was what you got with secrets, even though he had more than a few of his own. If Liz knew, it meant that she had to deal with this alone because neither he nor Maria had known anything about what was going on. Maria still didn't know.
no subject
Date: 2019-03-29 09:31 pm (UTC)"When I got there, Rosa was dead. Isobel, she had her hand on her, but there was this look on her face. She didn't recognize me." He rubbed a hand over his face. "Yeah, Liz knows," he said roughly. "Isobel and I, we decided it would be better if Liz left before Max could tell her about us, but when she came back, Max healed her. She knows everything."
Alex was going to know everything too.
He shrugged, gesturing to himself. "What else do you want to know? Might as well get to the end of the book."
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Date: 2019-04-01 10:38 pm (UTC)He couldn't help but think of Project Shepherd and how Michael, Isobel, and Max were associated with deaths. Plural.
"None of this makes any sense, Guerin."
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Date: 2019-04-02 12:01 am (UTC)He shook his head, still so confused about how that could have happened. "Isobel, she can influence you. She got in Liz's mind, focused in on her desire to leave town, and she ..." He made a gesture, because 'we made her leave' was too hard to say.
"You wanted to know," he insisted. "It barely makes sense to me and I've been living it all my life."
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Date: 2019-04-04 05:49 am (UTC)But he couldn't imagine that Liz would just let it be as it was.
"So what's going on? How's Liz handling it?"
And he knew that he should be getting around to how Michael was handling it with his sister having killed someone, but his head was still spinning.
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Date: 2019-04-04 10:39 pm (UTC)Especially because it's not so simple. "They'll cut us open, dissect us, and that's it. We have rules about that," he said darkly.
"I don't think Isobel did it. I think something was inside her, something else, but that doesn't change that Rosa is dead. I hate that. Especially because it was just one more awful thing about the day, after losing you, losing...this." He held up his hand, feeling aching and useless. "Liz and I, we were working together to help Isobel, but I don't know what happens next. I'm engineering," he reminded Alex, gesturing to everything around them.
"That what you want to know?"
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Date: 2019-04-06 12:46 am (UTC)And they both knew that Alex was as far from his father as it was possible to be.
He thought about it briefly. "Why do you think something was inside her? And how are you going to prove it? Because if it wasn't Isobel, that means someone else killed Rosa. Someone who's still out there."
no subject
Date: 2019-04-06 06:49 am (UTC)"You are nothing like him," he vowed, even though he knew Alex didn't need to hear him say that. In fact, he knew that they couldn't be farther apart, but that didn't mean Michael's trust issues didn't run deep. "I just, I know. She looked at me like I was a complete stranger, right through me, no recognition in her eyes. I was shouting for her, pleading, and then she just collapsed," he admitted.
"There's no video, there's nothing, so I don't know how to prove it, and yeah. Yeah," he scoffed. "Something could still be out there, not like it's come knocking on my door though, so I haven't exactly noticed anything."
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Date: 2019-04-14 03:11 pm (UTC)He honestly didn’t believe Michael was capable of hurting anyone seriously except in defense of someone. Same with Max. But then, he would have said the same thing about Isobel.
“I…I need to think about this,” he said slowly. “I’m not going to run to my dad or anything. I just need to think.”
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Date: 2019-04-14 07:18 pm (UTC)"Yeah," he agreed, even if there was definitely sadness in his tone, mustering up a smile. "Yeah, it's a lot to take in. I've had ten years and I still have nightmares, so I get it."
He wanted to reach out and touch him, he wanted to tell him to come back, but instead, he sagged as he sat on the workstation. "Call me if you have any other questions. I meant it, when I said I'd be honest and tell you anything." Clearly.
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Date: 2019-04-19 03:57 am (UTC)"It's not like I'm going to the other side of the world, Guerin," Alex pointed out. "Just the old Valenti cabin."
Although, come to think of it, he didn't actually know if Michael knew he lived there. They'd always met at Michael's.
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Date: 2019-04-19 06:53 pm (UTC)He swallowed, though, and shrugged, feeling exhausted. "Doesn't matter if it's the other side of the world or just the cabin across town," he heard himself saying, and hated that he knew this would make him sound weak. "Feels like the same kind of pain, watching you walk away." He didn't say 'the way you always do', because Alex was here so maybe that was going to change.
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Date: 2019-04-23 08:23 pm (UTC)He pursed his lips. “Are you going to hold that over my head forever?” he demanded. It wasn’t as if he’d had a lot of options. Going into the Air Force had not been his first idea for a career, but there’d been a reason he’d become so good at blackmailing people. He’d learned it from his father.
“I need to think, not go fight overseas.”
no subject
Date: 2019-04-23 10:30 pm (UTC)So, yeah, he could be grateful for that.
"I'm not holding it over your head," Michael said, wearily. "I'm just telling you that I don't like it when you do," he added. "Being honest, because I'm tired of secrets," he admitted, rubbing his face as he gestured and nodded. "I get it," he agreed. "Take the time you need and when you're ready, if you're ever ready, you know where to find me."
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Date: 2019-04-24 07:07 pm (UTC)"Don't make this about us," Alex said walking over until he was close enough to touch Michael and then taking a step closer so he was actually in Michael's personal space.
His eyes flicked over Michael's face and all he really wanted to do was lean in and kiss him and forget any of this had ever happened.
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Date: 2019-04-25 01:56 am (UTC)He shook his head, just the smallest bit, because it would be impossible if it weren't. He held Alex's gaze, eyes half-lidded, staring at Alex's lips.
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Date: 2019-04-26 02:48 pm (UTC)He pressed a hand to Michael’s chest. “But that’s not about us. I need to talk to Liz and, last time I checked, you weren’t her.”
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Date: 2019-04-28 07:18 pm (UTC)"No, I'm definitely not Liz," he agreed, staring at Alex's lips completely now, his mouth half-open, like he's thirsty and the tallest glass of water was right in front of him. "You need to talk to her right away, huh?"
no subject
Date: 2019-05-01 09:11 pm (UTC)“You’re impossible,” he continued as he found himself leaning in and he knew that he wasn’t any better. It was so much easier to do this, be this with Michael than to try to examine his feelings or even the things he should be thinking about.
“It’s not like I’ll find some new parts you’re hiding.” As if this was just Michael’s attempt to show Alex that he was the same person. He knew it wasn’t that, but the words came out anyway.
no subject
Date: 2019-05-04 09:14 pm (UTC)When Alex leaned in, he decided to go for it, wrapping a palm around Alex's neck to bring him in for a slow kiss, enough that Alex will be able to pull away, if he really didn't want this. "I mean," he exhaled, whispering the words, "wouldn't it be safer if you checked?"
no subject
Date: 2019-05-11 04:19 pm (UTC)But he found himself tucking his fingers into Michael's belt loops and chasing after his lips for a deeper kiss.
Never let it be said that Alex Manes was smart.
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Date: 2019-05-12 11:57 pm (UTC)So he led with his hips, letting them crash against Alex as he cupped his neck and kissed him deeper, trying to pour every last desperate needy emotion into it, in case this was the last kiss he got from Alex in a while.
no subject
Date: 2019-07-06 02:44 am (UTC)He took a moment between kisses to take a breath and then made a decision. He could have - should have - pulled away and left before Michael could tempt him a second time.
But then he shook his head, maybe at himself, and kissed Michael again, increasing the intensity of the kiss.
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