[ And that's when Alex stops for a minute and his heart leaps into his throat and he can't help but remember about Kyle talking about outliving them all. ]
[ He's going to say 'pulled his head off', but at the last minute, the words won't come. ]
It was strong enough to kill a vampire. And it...
It killed Nick too. [ Michael's voice is strained now. ] I think it was the same thing. That's why I went looking for him, to tell him. And then I found him dead.
[ And there's a minute while he has to try to get his thoughts in order. Because Kyle can't be dead. He can't be. Any more than Liz can't be gone and who is he kidding? But death is different from disappearance. ]
Okay. We've all died. You, me, Kyle, Maria, Bass. We've all died. People disappearing in the middle of the night, that doesn't seem to be reversible.
[ Except when it is, like when Damon showed back up. But that's not really the point. ]
But death. Dying. That doesn't seem to be as permanent a thing here.
[ But there's tension in his voice, too. As if he wants to believe, but there's a part of him that's terrified that maybe Kyle and Nick will be the exceptions. Because Damon proves that those rules aren't set in stone. Disappeared can come back. Can dead not come back? But like he told Guerin, he needs to believe that Kyle will be back. ]
[ Part of Michael's brain just whitescreens. He can't. It's a miracle he even started this conversation, when every instinct in his body tells him to just hole up and drink until he can't think anymore. ]
I don't need to hear this, Alex.
[ Because he knows.
Even though he doesn't really count his own death as dying - he's basically convinced himself that was a trick. Even despite that, he knows people come back here. That isn't the point.
I don't need you to get me into trouble. You really think I won't be screaming into the void with or without your help? But I can't just sit on my hands and wait, either. So I'm going to be doing something, with or without you.
The question really is whether you honestly don't want me there or you're just saying that.
[ He adds the next words softly, words of experience that he rarely talks about. ]
None of us are good at this. And if they say they are, they're lying, maybe even to themselves, but still lying.
Do you honestly want some time to yourself to process? Or is it more that you don't know what to do if I came over? Do you want to be alone or do you think you should be alone?
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momijizukamori
audio; @guerin
Date: 2021-09-10 09:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-09-10 09:21 pm (UTC)Hey, what's going on?
no subject
Date: 2021-09-10 09:33 pm (UTC)Alex.
I...have to tell you. It's Kyle, he's...
I found his body, Alex. He's dead.
no subject
Date: 2021-09-10 09:44 pm (UTC)What happened, do we know?
no subject
Date: 2021-09-10 09:49 pm (UTC)[ He's going to say 'pulled his head off', but at the last minute, the words won't come. ]
It was strong enough to kill a vampire. And it...
It killed Nick too. [ Michael's voice is strained now. ] I think it was the same thing. That's why I went looking for him, to tell him. And then I found him dead.
no subject
Date: 2021-09-10 10:08 pm (UTC)[ And there's a minute while he has to try to get his thoughts in order. Because Kyle can't be dead. He can't be. Any more than Liz can't be gone and who is he kidding? But death is different from disappearance. ]
Okay. We've all died. You, me, Kyle, Maria, Bass. We've all died. People disappearing in the middle of the night, that doesn't seem to be reversible.
[ Except when it is, like when Damon showed back up. But that's not really the point. ]
But death. Dying. That doesn't seem to be as permanent a thing here.
[ But there's tension in his voice, too. As if he wants to believe, but there's a part of him that's terrified that maybe Kyle and Nick will be the exceptions. Because Damon proves that those rules aren't set in stone. Disappeared can come back. Can dead not come back? But like he told Guerin, he needs to believe that Kyle will be back. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-09-10 10:20 pm (UTC)I don't need to hear this, Alex.
[ Because he knows.
Even though he doesn't really count his own death as dying - he's basically convinced himself that was a trick. Even despite that, he knows people come back here. That isn't the point.
He doesn't want to be hopeful. ]
I just had to tell you.
no subject
Date: 2021-09-10 10:36 pm (UTC)[ A deep breath, because he needs to do something for somebody and if it's Guerin, all the better. ]
When you hang up, what were you planning on doing?
no subject
Date: 2021-09-10 10:38 pm (UTC)Nothing.
I need to go. I just had to make sure you heard it from me.
[ And not from the Network or something. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-09-10 10:51 pm (UTC)Well, I seem to remember you being there to drink with me the last time I needed a good drink.
no subject
Date: 2021-09-10 11:02 pm (UTC)I don't need to get you in trouble, and I don't want company.
[ And mostly, Alex doesn't want to see him hitting anyone. That's been true for as long as he can remember. ]
I'm not good at this. Okay? I wasn't when Max died, and I'm not now.
no subject
Date: 2021-09-10 11:35 pm (UTC)The question really is whether you honestly don't want me there or you're just saying that.
[ He adds the next words softly, words of experience that he rarely talks about. ]
None of us are good at this. And if they say they are, they're lying, maybe even to themselves, but still lying.
no subject
Date: 2021-09-11 10:54 pm (UTC)Might as well try. ]
You need to do something without me.
I've gotta call Maria.
no subject
Date: 2021-09-11 11:01 pm (UTC)That didn't actually answer my question. But yes, go talk to Maria.
no subject
Date: 2021-09-11 11:03 pm (UTC)[ He's being cold, he knows that. He's not being what Alex needs him to be.
It's just...
When he said he wasn't good at this, he meant it. The only way Michael knows how to deal with loss is to turn in on himself. ]
I'm sorry, Alex. I don't know what else to say.
no subject
Date: 2021-09-11 11:10 pm (UTC)Completely different things.
no subject
Date: 2021-09-11 11:15 pm (UTC)[ Now there's frustration in his voice. He'll probably regret it later.
Probably. ]
I'll tell you when I do. Okay?
no subject
Date: 2021-09-11 11:16 pm (UTC)[ And there's no frustration in his voice. Not yet. Maybe not for a while. ]
Go talk to Maria.
no subject
Date: 2021-09-11 11:21 pm (UTC)Bye.
[ That was the first of a couple of very difficult conversations, and it was only about Kyle. God knows how many there need to be about Nick. ]]