[ So many emotions. Especially since the last fight they'd had, the one right before he fell into a coma, had been about Michael getting into fights. Those had been different circumstances, though, and Alex had been in a much different place. There is one thing that catches his attention, though. ]
If you're apologizing, it's not just about the fight, is it? Because you know I wouldn't get upset about you trying to protect someone.
You aren't traditionally a fan of me being jailed for getting into fights.
[ Especially the kind that come from his own self-hatred. Michael knows that pattern all too well, and so does Alex. That pattern had driven them apart for ten years. ]
I'm not...good right now, Alex. I know I'm not, and I just, I saw them, and I snapped. And I don't want to be that person anymore. Not for you. Not for anyone, so I'm sorry.
Because the fights were usually for idiotic crap. Not defending against legitimate abuse.
[ And then a pause as he listens to the rest of what Michael has to say and he nods to himself, even if Michael can't see it. That makes sense. If it had just been about protecting someone, there'd be no need for an apology. But 'just snapping' isn't a measured response. It's more akin to him trying to run off to fight Jones alone. ]
Okay, so. Three days. When it's over, we need to talk. Not in the 'I'm going to break up with you' way. But we made a promise to each other.
Do you need anything until then? I haven't actually been arrested before and my only experience with it is when Maria got caught because she needed a contract.
[ Thank god he said it like that, because if he hadn't, Michael would've spent three days preparing for Alex to leave him again. ]
Okay. I'm keeping that promise.
And I don't know. Believe it or not it's gonna be my first time. [ He knows things, though. He knows it won't involve wearing clothes, and that Dominants can pay for time with him. He really doesn't relish the thought of any of that.
But he knows it'll be worse if Alex sees it, so: ]
Don't come. It's not gonna be anything you'll want to see.
[ Another moment of silence because he hates this. He hates that Michael has to go through this. He hates that he has to let Michael go through this or else they'll both be where he is.
He swallows his feelings. Knowing how upset this is making him will only make this worse for Michael. ]
[ This is what he should've thought of, before his temper just left
him. He should've thought about how it would hurt Alex, Kyle, Nick, Dick.
In that moment, the fight had been an outlet. Everything he was thinking,
everything he was feeling, he could just pour it into each punch. I'm the
moment, it had worked. Now, it just makes everything worse. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
momijizukamori
no subject
Date: 2022-03-04 07:24 pm (UTC)If you're apologizing, it's not just about the fight, is it? Because you know I wouldn't get upset about you trying to protect someone.
no subject
Date: 2022-03-04 07:28 pm (UTC)[ Especially the kind that come from his own self-hatred. Michael knows that pattern all too well, and so does Alex. That pattern had driven them apart for ten years. ]
I'm not...good right now, Alex. I know I'm not, and I just, I saw them, and I snapped. And I don't want to be that person anymore. Not for you. Not for anyone, so I'm sorry.
no subject
Date: 2022-03-04 07:37 pm (UTC)[ And then a pause as he listens to the rest of what Michael has to say and he nods to himself, even if Michael can't see it. That makes sense. If it had just been about protecting someone, there'd be no need for an apology. But 'just snapping' isn't a measured response. It's more akin to him trying to run off to fight Jones alone. ]
Okay, so. Three days. When it's over, we need to talk. Not in the 'I'm going to break up with you' way. But we made a promise to each other.
Do you need anything until then? I haven't actually been arrested before and my only experience with it is when Maria got caught because she needed a contract.
no subject
Date: 2022-03-04 08:02 pm (UTC)Okay. I'm keeping that promise.
And I don't know. Believe it or not it's gonna be my first time. [ He knows things, though. He knows it won't involve wearing clothes, and that Dominants can pay for time with him. He really doesn't relish the thought of any of that.
But he knows it'll be worse if Alex sees it, so: ]
Don't come. It's not gonna be anything you'll want to see.
no subject
Date: 2022-03-04 08:16 pm (UTC)I won't come, but let me know when they release you and I'll come over and wait for you to get home.
no subject
Date: 2022-03-04 10:40 pm (UTC)I will. But it's three days, starting today. It won't be more, I'll be good.
[ Which means he'll do whatever's asked of him, no matter what it is. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-03-04 10:45 pm (UTC)He swallows his feelings. Knowing how upset this is making him will only make this worse for Michael. ]
I know. I'll see you soon.
no subject
Date: 2022-03-04 10:47 pm (UTC)I'm sorry, Alex.
[ This is what he should've thought of, before his temper just left him. He should've thought about how it would hurt Alex, Kyle, Nick, Dick. In that moment, the fight had been an outlet. Everything he was thinking, everything he was feeling, he could just pour it into each punch. I'm the moment, it had worked. Now, it just makes everything worse. ]
I love you.
no subject
Date: 2022-03-04 10:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-03-08 05:09 pm (UTC)