I waited hours on your doorstep, Guerin. Hours after you came in bloody, claiming the blood wasn't yours. Hours after you agreed to talk. And then nothing. The next thing I knew, you said we were done and that you were with Maria. And now you want to be?
If that's the game you want to play, you left me
twice, Alex. The first time you left for ten years and didn't even say
goodbye. Then you come back, stay one night and you go out the door again.
You broke up with me, long before I didn't come home to you. No one has
screwed with my head more than you.
So yeah. After what went down with Noah, I went to
Maria. I couldn't deal with you and me. Cause you'd tell me one day you
wanted me and then change your mind the next. I didn't want that.
You were in jail when I left that first time, Guerin. You say that you didn't want to deal with us now that we're grown adults. You're really trying to put the blame on me for a decision I made when I was eighteen after watching you get more and more out of control after you KNOW the kind of person my father was?
I tried. I tried as hard as I could. But how could I help you when I didn't even know how to help myself?
Me? No, of course not. But I just couldn't be around all that violence, Guerin. And I'm aware of the irony of what I left to go join. But maybe the difference was that I cared about you.
I didn't leave because of you. I left because of me. I was always going to leave, get the hell out of that place as far and as fast as I could. And maybe for a while I deluded myself into thinking that I wasn't going to follow my father's plan for me, but Roswell? I couldn't stay there. Not with him. I stayed as long as I did because of you. But then you...changed.
And seeing what you were becoming, what I couldn't stop from happening no matter how hard I tried or how much I loved you? So I was always leaving, but that's why I left when and how I did.
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momijizukamori
no subject
Date: 2020-08-17 12:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-08-17 12:47 am (UTC)If that's the game you want to play, you left me twice, Alex. The first time you left for ten years and didn't even say goodbye. Then you come back, stay one night and you go out the door again. You broke up with me, long before I didn't come home to you. No one has screwed with my head more than you.
So yeah. After what went down with Noah, I went to Maria. I couldn't deal with you and me. Cause you'd tell me one day you wanted me and then change your mind the next. I didn't want that.
I still don't. I want us to be more than that.
no subject
Date: 2020-08-18 01:14 am (UTC)I tried. I tried as hard as I could. But how could I help you when I didn't even know how to help myself?
no subject
Date: 2020-08-18 02:48 am (UTC)I was eighteen too, Alex. You really think I would ever hurt you like that?
no subject
Date: 2020-09-16 08:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-09-16 09:46 pm (UTC)Don't.
Don't tell me that you left me because you cared about me. I want someone who cares about me enough to stay. That's all I want.
no subject
Date: 2020-09-22 07:44 pm (UTC)And seeing what you were becoming, what I couldn't stop from happening no matter how hard I tried or how much I loved you? So I was always leaving, but that's why I left when and how I did.
no subject
Date: 2020-09-30 02:15 am (UTC)Stop leaving?
Stay with me
Stop running, because I want to make this work. I want us to work.
What would you say then?