Just for kicks? Because that's how it feels. This isn't facing Jones, or your father, or doing the things we did back home to save others and protect the Oasians. There was no point to this but dicking around because I said it happened and they haven't been here four years to see it.
If it was safe, there wouldn't be blood on our couch.
I'm just so damn frustrated, Alex. Because if I had kept my mouth shut, they wouldn't have done it and I HATE that I have to think about protecting others or encouraging people who think they're bigger and badder than everything else.
You can take the clown portrait in my closet if you want. I get it if you don't. Not everyone is fond of Nate's sense of humor.
Because they thought they could find something that would help, Barry said. Because they're usually powerful enough back home and no matter what happens here, they still don't understand it doesn't work that way here. They drank the Kool-Aid that most people seem to do.
They forgot this place is chaos and doesn't care what the rules are supposed to be.
I wish I could say that this will be a reminder, but... It probably won't be the next time something comes up.
I don't mind the portrait. I've used it before. As long as you don't decide to dress as it for Halloween.
Sorry to tell you, but I don't believe that. Not with the way that Barry acted. Not with him hiding from me how wounded he came back, or how he jokes about it. Maybe it's a coping mechanism but there's things we've talked about and I just...
He thinks he's a God and nothing can harm him and that isn't something easy for me to cope with.
[ Not with the others who acted that way there in Duplicity and back home. ]
It doesn't matter that he's come back from the dead before and will here. That doesn't make it less painful and upsetting for anyone.
Be thankful Nate isn't still here or I might dress that way sometime.
Hey, I've lived through you dying. Though Michael dying. You don't have to tell me how painful it feels. It kind of reminds me of Michael, when he was going after the pod, but he was also planning to get his father's sword. Didn't want to listen to reason.
Except he did in the end. I wish I could just make Barry see.
[ But he knew how to get Michael to listen to him. He didn't have any kind of shortcut for Barry. ]
Nate had us doing all kinds of things better not talked about. Though mine are there for anyone to see when I have my shirt off.
I know, and I know you respect that. It just irks me to watch egos like that and how they'll lead others into the same pain.
I'm not sure you can, honestly. That's the hard part. Whether it's thinking he's bigger and badder, or just wanting to punish himself, given all he talks about it I just feel like he'll just keep doing it. Adrenaline junkie maybe.
Where I got mine too, and it's not a bad thing not to talk about Alex. Nate was a good person and anything he did was not just for his sake so nothing wrong with it. Not like some we've known here.
I think it doesn't make me as angry because I've been there. I was like that. Before I got shot and lost my leg. Running into danger without thinking about it because I knew I was on the right side. That doesn't mean I'm happy about any of it. It's painful to see people repeat mistakes I've made, especially when I know they won't listen.
And god knows, Barry is more idealistic than I ever was. And more stubborn.
It's the how and why he did what he did. It's one thing being that type of person. It's another hearing someone's pain and risking yourself for kicks because of it.
I thought for a while it was idealism and stubborn but beginning to feel its other things, and that's where it's rough for me.
I'll just have to figure out how I feel and what I'm going to do about it, but for now? Honestly? I'm just going to be hurt and angry. I don't think I let myself feel them often enough.
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momijizukamori
no subject
Date: 2023-09-25 02:00 am (UTC)There was no point to this but dicking around because I said it happened and they haven't been here four years to see it.
If it was safe, there wouldn't be blood on our couch.
I'm just so damn frustrated, Alex. Because if I had kept my mouth shut, they wouldn't have done it and I HATE that I have to think about protecting others or encouraging people who think they're bigger and badder than everything else.
You can take the clown portrait in my closet if you want. I get it if you don't. Not everyone is fond of Nate's sense of humor.
no subject
Date: 2023-09-26 11:56 pm (UTC)They forgot this place is chaos and doesn't care what the rules are supposed to be.
I wish I could say that this will be a reminder, but... It probably won't be the next time something comes up.
I don't mind the portrait. I've used it before. As long as you don't decide to dress as it for Halloween.
no subject
Date: 2023-09-27 12:07 am (UTC)He thinks he's a God and nothing can harm him and that isn't something easy for me to cope with.
[ Not with the others who acted that way there in Duplicity and back home. ]
It doesn't matter that he's come back from the dead before and will here. That doesn't make it less painful and upsetting for anyone.
Be thankful Nate isn't still here or I might dress that way sometime.
no subject
Date: 2023-09-27 12:46 am (UTC)Except he did in the end. I wish I could just make Barry see.
[ But he knew how to get Michael to listen to him. He didn't have any kind of shortcut for Barry. ]
Nate had us doing all kinds of things better not talked about. Though mine are there for anyone to see when I have my shirt off.
[ His piercings. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-09-28 05:33 pm (UTC)I'm not sure you can, honestly. That's the hard part. Whether it's thinking he's bigger and badder, or just wanting to punish himself, given all he talks about it I just feel like he'll just keep doing it. Adrenaline junkie maybe.
Where I got mine too, and it's not a bad thing not to talk about Alex. Nate was a good person and anything he did was not just for his sake so nothing wrong with it. Not like some we've known here.
no subject
Date: 2023-10-01 03:17 am (UTC)And god knows, Barry is more idealistic than I ever was. And more stubborn.
no subject
Date: 2023-10-02 06:24 pm (UTC)I thought for a while it was idealism and stubborn but beginning to feel its other things, and that's where it's rough for me.
I'll just have to figure out how I feel and what I'm going to do about it, but for now? Honestly? I'm just going to be hurt and angry. I don't think I let myself feel them often enough.