Sorry I erased something and rewrote it. I meant tell me to keep my mouth shut because my warning sent them out there. What am I supposed to think of that?
... So his very recent network commentary that it's all fine and he's okay was bullshit too? Good to know.
That you have at least one superhero and who knows how many others who do stupid things for a living. Believe me. I want to throttle Barry. But what good will it do?
Besides, if you don't warn against the danger, the ones who aren't stupid might think they're safe. It's a damned if you do, damned if you don't scenario.
I don't care what they choose to do on their own but...
Alex I talked to him in the lighthouse about the day I died and was turned. About everything. Including things I barely talk about with anyone else because them starting with that damn thing worries me that much.
And then he bleeds on my couch and pretends like it's nothing.
He used my pain to hurt himself and then acts like I'm the one being irrational.
I hadn't seen the network. I was too busy making sure that Caitlin knew he'd promised that he was going to see her. You didn't do this, Kyle. If you hadn't warned them, there are others who would have. Hell, if you hadn't warned them, I would have. It may have been the day you were turned, but I died that day, too. Me and Bass and Michael.
But I'm sorry that Barry's trivializing it. He tried doing it to me, too, even though I could see exactly how bad off he is.
I know! So many people died out there. And Chris and others nearly died on the boat Barry and his friends found. Nick was nearly killed by that Kraken. Others were. I watched them be snatched out to sea!
I just... I get risking yourself to save others. I get doing what we have to in this place and we get hurt doing that. This just feels like taunting the powers that be and mocking those that died out there.
He came to our place to what? Find me to help him? And what did he think would happen then? Thank you for helping him though.
In a way, I can see where they're coming from. Not that I can condone them ignoring the warning, but the desire to learn more about the place? Try to figure it out? That's something I can understand. And risking yourself to do it? I risk us both every time I try hacking their system.
But. It's not like there's an exit to this place. We've had people who can span the kind of distances we'd need easily and there's no way out. So. I don't even know what they'd be looking for out there.
Maybe. Probably. Of course. He's my friend, too, even if he's an idiot. I don't like that he made you feel like crap, though.
They didn't do like the pirates and Chris and all did with the ship, Alex. They took time. They worked out what they needed. They planned.
This is a bunch of apparently overpowered people who think the dangers don't apply to them and its just a game. There was no planning, no idea of what to do to protect themselves. Hell apparently they didn't even take healing potions if Barry ended up on our doorstep.
That's why I'm upset. This wasn't investigating like all of us have done, and some do all the time. This was mocking this place and those that have died with no planning and ignoring the warnings.
I know you will always help others. I will too, but honestly? I don't know what to think even as I think about this more and more.
Just for kicks? Because that's how it feels. This isn't facing Jones, or your father, or doing the things we did back home to save others and protect the Oasians. There was no point to this but dicking around because I said it happened and they haven't been here four years to see it.
If it was safe, there wouldn't be blood on our couch.
I'm just so damn frustrated, Alex. Because if I had kept my mouth shut, they wouldn't have done it and I HATE that I have to think about protecting others or encouraging people who think they're bigger and badder than everything else.
You can take the clown portrait in my closet if you want. I get it if you don't. Not everyone is fond of Nate's sense of humor.
Because they thought they could find something that would help, Barry said. Because they're usually powerful enough back home and no matter what happens here, they still don't understand it doesn't work that way here. They drank the Kool-Aid that most people seem to do.
They forgot this place is chaos and doesn't care what the rules are supposed to be.
I wish I could say that this will be a reminder, but... It probably won't be the next time something comes up.
I don't mind the portrait. I've used it before. As long as you don't decide to dress as it for Halloween.
Sorry to tell you, but I don't believe that. Not with the way that Barry acted. Not with him hiding from me how wounded he came back, or how he jokes about it. Maybe it's a coping mechanism but there's things we've talked about and I just...
He thinks he's a God and nothing can harm him and that isn't something easy for me to cope with.
[ Not with the others who acted that way there in Duplicity and back home. ]
It doesn't matter that he's come back from the dead before and will here. That doesn't make it less painful and upsetting for anyone.
Be thankful Nate isn't still here or I might dress that way sometime.
Hey, I've lived through you dying. Though Michael dying. You don't have to tell me how painful it feels. It kind of reminds me of Michael, when he was going after the pod, but he was also planning to get his father's sword. Didn't want to listen to reason.
Except he did in the end. I wish I could just make Barry see.
[ But he knew how to get Michael to listen to him. He didn't have any kind of shortcut for Barry. ]
Nate had us doing all kinds of things better not talked about. Though mine are there for anyone to see when I have my shirt off.
I know, and I know you respect that. It just irks me to watch egos like that and how they'll lead others into the same pain.
I'm not sure you can, honestly. That's the hard part. Whether it's thinking he's bigger and badder, or just wanting to punish himself, given all he talks about it I just feel like he'll just keep doing it. Adrenaline junkie maybe.
Where I got mine too, and it's not a bad thing not to talk about Alex. Nate was a good person and anything he did was not just for his sake so nothing wrong with it. Not like some we've known here.
I think it doesn't make me as angry because I've been there. I was like that. Before I got shot and lost my leg. Running into danger without thinking about it because I knew I was on the right side. That doesn't mean I'm happy about any of it. It's painful to see people repeat mistakes I've made, especially when I know they won't listen.
And god knows, Barry is more idealistic than I ever was. And more stubborn.
It's the how and why he did what he did. It's one thing being that type of person. It's another hearing someone's pain and risking yourself for kicks because of it.
I thought for a while it was idealism and stubborn but beginning to feel its other things, and that's where it's rough for me.
I'll just have to figure out how I feel and what I'm going to do about it, but for now? Honestly? I'm just going to be hurt and angry. I don't think I let myself feel them often enough.
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momijizukamori
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Date: 2023-09-24 11:32 pm (UTC)... So his very recent network commentary that it's all fine and he's okay was bullshit too? Good to know.
I am so upset, Alex. I really am.
no subject
Date: 2023-09-24 11:39 pm (UTC)Besides, if you don't warn against the danger, the ones who aren't stupid might think they're safe. It's a damned if you do, damned if you don't scenario.
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Date: 2023-09-24 11:44 pm (UTC)Alex I talked to him in the lighthouse about the day I died and was turned. About everything. Including things I barely talk about with anyone else because them starting with that damn thing worries me that much.
And then he bleeds on my couch and pretends like it's nothing.
He used my pain to hurt himself and then acts like I'm the one being irrational.
no subject
Date: 2023-09-24 11:55 pm (UTC)I hadn't seen the network. I was too busy making sure that Caitlin knew he'd promised that he was going to see her. You didn't do this, Kyle. If you hadn't warned them, there are others who would have. Hell, if you hadn't warned them, I would have. It may have been the day you were turned, but I died that day, too. Me and Bass and Michael.
But I'm sorry that Barry's trivializing it. He tried doing it to me, too, even though I could see exactly how bad off he is.
no subject
Date: 2023-09-25 12:06 am (UTC)And Chris and others nearly died on the boat Barry and his friends found.
Nick was nearly killed by that Kraken. Others were. I watched them be snatched out to sea!
I just... I get risking yourself to save others. I get doing what we have to in this place and we get hurt doing that.
This just feels like taunting the powers that be and mocking those that died out there.
He came to our place to what? Find me to help him? And what did he think would happen then?
Thank you for helping him though.
no subject
Date: 2023-09-25 12:54 am (UTC)But. It's not like there's an exit to this place. We've had people who can span the kind of distances we'd need easily and there's no way out. So. I don't even know what they'd be looking for out there.
Maybe. Probably. Of course. He's my friend, too, even if he's an idiot. I don't like that he made you feel like crap, though.
no subject
Date: 2023-09-25 01:00 am (UTC)They didn't do like the pirates and Chris and all did with the ship, Alex. They took time. They worked out what they needed. They planned.
This is a bunch of apparently overpowered people who think the dangers don't apply to them and its just a game. There was no planning, no idea of what to do to protect themselves. Hell apparently they didn't even take healing potions if Barry ended up on our doorstep.
That's why I'm upset. This wasn't investigating like all of us have done, and some do all the time. This was mocking this place and those that have died with no planning and ignoring the warnings.
I know you will always help others. I will too, but honestly? I don't know what to think even as I think about this more and more.
no subject
Date: 2023-09-25 01:53 am (UTC)[ But then come back. Just like this place. ]
I'm sure it made sense to them. I'm sure it even seemed safe enough to most of them. But it doesn't make it any easier for the rest of us.
Give me five minutes. I can't help if anyone else comes in injured, but I want to be there with you.
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Date: 2023-09-25 02:00 am (UTC)There was no point to this but dicking around because I said it happened and they haven't been here four years to see it.
If it was safe, there wouldn't be blood on our couch.
I'm just so damn frustrated, Alex. Because if I had kept my mouth shut, they wouldn't have done it and I HATE that I have to think about protecting others or encouraging people who think they're bigger and badder than everything else.
You can take the clown portrait in my closet if you want. I get it if you don't. Not everyone is fond of Nate's sense of humor.
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Date: 2023-09-26 11:56 pm (UTC)They forgot this place is chaos and doesn't care what the rules are supposed to be.
I wish I could say that this will be a reminder, but... It probably won't be the next time something comes up.
I don't mind the portrait. I've used it before. As long as you don't decide to dress as it for Halloween.
no subject
Date: 2023-09-27 12:07 am (UTC)He thinks he's a God and nothing can harm him and that isn't something easy for me to cope with.
[ Not with the others who acted that way there in Duplicity and back home. ]
It doesn't matter that he's come back from the dead before and will here. That doesn't make it less painful and upsetting for anyone.
Be thankful Nate isn't still here or I might dress that way sometime.
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Date: 2023-09-27 12:46 am (UTC)Except he did in the end. I wish I could just make Barry see.
[ But he knew how to get Michael to listen to him. He didn't have any kind of shortcut for Barry. ]
Nate had us doing all kinds of things better not talked about. Though mine are there for anyone to see when I have my shirt off.
[ His piercings. ]
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Date: 2023-09-28 05:33 pm (UTC)I'm not sure you can, honestly. That's the hard part. Whether it's thinking he's bigger and badder, or just wanting to punish himself, given all he talks about it I just feel like he'll just keep doing it. Adrenaline junkie maybe.
Where I got mine too, and it's not a bad thing not to talk about Alex. Nate was a good person and anything he did was not just for his sake so nothing wrong with it. Not like some we've known here.
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Date: 2023-10-01 03:17 am (UTC)And god knows, Barry is more idealistic than I ever was. And more stubborn.
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Date: 2023-10-02 06:24 pm (UTC)I thought for a while it was idealism and stubborn but beginning to feel its other things, and that's where it's rough for me.
I'll just have to figure out how I feel and what I'm going to do about it, but for now? Honestly? I'm just going to be hurt and angry. I don't think I let myself feel them often enough.